2010 doesn't seem to have started very well to be honest. Its only been 2 months into the new year and already its been filled with stupid, pretty drama and arguments (one of which I have already owned up to for starting and I managed to stop it), and just general shittiness.
First of all, HIBISCGYARU. Since the meeting that we had in January, the attitude of everyone seems to have really changed and its strange and in a way seems like everyone really dislikes me. I put in so much work and it always seems to get thrown back in my face without a thanks or anything at all. I know there are people who do appreciate what I do, but others don't or just hide it and it makes me wonder why I even bother sometimes. I know I can be a pretty strong-willed person and that some of the things I say come across as really horrible and nasty, but ive never denied being a bitch. Im not going to say something and then lie and say I didn't say it. Im owning up to being a bitch and if you get in my line of fire, its not on purpose, but more a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I can snap at small things and I can hold grudges. I once wouldn't speak to a girl who is now my best friend for 2 whole years. We used to be really good friends and then she lied to me about loads of stuff so I couldn't trust her and then she got dragged up to Essex by my ex boyfriend, who she was also dating at the time but lied about it, and was forced to become an adult at 14. It was the bf saying loads of stuff to her to make her think that she had no friends and that but she did stuff to me which wasn't right either, so I refused to talk to her. I hate it when people get the bad end of the stick from me and assume everyone from HIB is the same as me. Im just the leader, or should I say, president of the Galcir (now), so I will defend it at all costs! And whatever I do to defend it is what I shall do, regardless!
But what still gets to me is that there are girls in the circle that are soooo fake! Girls that say im wrong for saying something bitchy about one person and then saying loads of shit about them 2 minutes later, and THEN being all nice to the person they've been a bitch about! It's not on! Also, because of the new rules and things that are being introduced, theres definitely a different air about everyone, but what I don't understand is that everyone agreed on them, so its not like im dictating something and saying everyone has to follow it! Ffs!
THIS IS HOW I FEEL
Secondly; I keep thinking more and more about Japan and its driving me as crazy as I look in the above picture, so I figure I might have to do something about it before I kill someone or something like that. Me and my girl Nij were originally planning in the very very beginning, which is like 2 years ago now (!), to go on the Working Holiday Visa for a year in December 2008, but after doing lots of research for places to live and jobs etc, we didn't. We then though "well, let's go on it NEXT December!" and that was of course, 2009, and what did we do? Go for a 2 week holiday instead...lol. And now, it being 2010, our thoughts are going out to doing the same thing again, but this time ACTUALLY going through with the plan. This time however, we are thinking of going in September. I don't know why, but it just seems a good time. There are several things stopping us though;
1. No job, so therefore no financial backing to go ahead and do this, even if it's 6 months away
2. He's unsure of his future, and what he would want to do in Japan as a job
3. He's just started doing Nail/Makeup/Hair training at the salon where I got my nails done and is being offered a course for free sometime during the year (and the courses are hell expensive!) but won't be able to just get up and leave because the woman doing the training won't be happy, and he would have to try and find ways to pay for the course himself at some other point which might be too difficult
4. If he doesn't go to Japan this year and carries on with the training and actually goes through with doing the course, he's scared he might not want to go back to Japan any other time because he won't be interested in it in the same ways as he is now, and that he will miss out on things he could have done at his age/point in his life now
1. Job. I already mentioned about me having to look for another job, and although im looking now, if I don't apply for something, I could possibly be kicked out of my current job before September so its risky not to get into another job before this happens
2. Bad saving habits. The reason I was able to go last time was due to all of my emergency taxes that had been taken from me for the past 2 years were refunded back to me in one lump sum from the two jobs I had been working, so that was loads (over £1000) and I also had money stored away in another account. I do have an ISA, but the money in there is for a set amount of time, and even though it's my money and my account, I don't have any access to it :s and my parents don't want me to just take it out and be done with it. Plus, you can only take out the whole thing in one go, not bits at a time. But dude, I have £3000 in there!!!!!!!!!!!!! £3000 for potential places to live/shopping at 109!
3. My partner. I have only been with him for roughly 9 months now (on the 27th this month), but I know id be making a big mistake if I went away and he wanted to end things. I really can't see myself with anyone else at this current point in time and id hate to throw everything away, but its difficult because Ive wanted to go and live in Japan for the year way before I met him (as mentioned above), so if I didn't go, it would be a selfish decision to myself. I spoke to him about it before and he understands that its something I want to do and won't really have much of an opportunity to do again if I don't just take the chance, and said he will wait for me, so that we can still be together even if im in another country for a long time, but I don't want to stop him from what he wants to do, and he doesn't want to stop me....He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, so you can probably understand why I really don't want to let him go, I mean, it would be a waste! I support him, and I know he supports me, but its a big thing to ask of someone....;'(
Apart from these big issues. I also need/want a half wig. Prisila preferably, but ALAS they don't do it in my hoe bleach blonde #613 colour :z There are some classy ones I have found on the net:
I might go for the last one...What do you guys think?